I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
