My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am one with the molecules
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize