Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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