finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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