Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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