you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
