We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My vagina just clenched in fear
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
