Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
