Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
