You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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