am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
