Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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