I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
