I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
