I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
