oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
