my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
