My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
