Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
