I smell stomach acid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
