I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
