I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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