im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
