He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
50% drunk capacity currently
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
