It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
