It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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