Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
