Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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