I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
