I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
