her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
