Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
