i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
