i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize