More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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