i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize