I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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