i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize