We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
