I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
