I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
