Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
