12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
