just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
