I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize