somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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