"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
