your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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