i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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