this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
