Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
