I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
