Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if only i could text you this smell
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
