and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
