everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
