I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
