Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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