i think my tv is drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
