I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
