dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want to make out with him forever
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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