She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
