The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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