My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
