I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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