You can't special order awesome
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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