you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
