He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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